Big Momma Was Gone

Big Momma was always around and the family always discussed how we didn't think we could make it when she was gone. It just was not an option.

I will take you back to two weeks before she passed away in April 2006. It was a normal day, just like any other or so we thought, until Joanne, my Aunt, called and said she was taking Big Momma to the doctor because she wasn't feeling well. Of course, word spread quickly through the family that Big Momma was at the doctor, everyone curious as to what was going on. Within a few hours we learned that she would be hospitalized for pneumonia. I felt my heart drop inside with worry, Big Momma was never sick. We often bragged about her 96 years and what great health she was always in so you can imagine this took us by surprise.

It was so bad. Big Momma ended up in the hospital over the next week with so many of us standing around her bed every single day. At times she would wake up and ask for Juanita, my momma. She is the baby of the 11 children that Big Momma had. Momma was always the comfort for Big Momma, whatever it was. When all of the other girls had moved away after growing up, Momma stayed close by and was there to look after Big Momma. She was her comfort. We could just see the relief that Big Momma had when we told her momma was there, or "she's on her way". Big Momma continued to drift in and out, struggling to catch her breath as she slept. We were all so sick, but at that point we had never given up the thought that she was going to make it out of there, "she was always here, she'll be alright". Maybe this was our way of comforting ourselves, rather than accepting the fact that she was 96 years old, tired and exhausted from this long life, and maybe needed to rest.

We continued to reassure her every time she would awake to see everyone there. I can remember one day about 5 days before she passed, she woke up and I bent over the bed to talk to her and hold her hand. She said to me "I'm just scared". No one can imagine the feeling of hearing her say those words. At this point they weren't giving her much hope of recovering, but I looked into her eyes with a strong face and said to her "we're here with you and we're not going anywhere". She responded and said "you're not"? I said "No" and she begin to rest again. Everyday I had to go to work, but every single day after work, I went to sit by her bed. I just wanted her to know that she would never be alone. By her bedside were her children, grandchildren, and great- granchildren, praying for her recovery.

I stopped by the hospital after work and Big Momma had undergone a laproscopic surgery of her stomach. It was evident that she had taken a turn for the worse. Now, she was struggling even more to breath. I was upset when I saw her sleeping, her chest pumping up and down way too fast. I went out to talk with the nurse, she told me that the doctor would be by to speak with us soon. I knew it had gotten worse. They did perform a procedure to remove fluid building up on her lungs, only to have to go in again for the same thing not long after that. The doctor broke the news that Big Momma was suffering from heart failure. Here come the questions from all of us, as if pleading to my momma, "isn't there anything else they can do"? Momma shook her head no, at this point the fear showed on all our faces, even our children. We knew that she would be leaving us soon.

Two days later, the hospital was flooded with so many people who were called to say goodbye to Big Momma, Children, Grandchildren,  Great-Grandchildren, Cousins and Friends. With tears flowing down and our heads hanging low, we went in to see her a few at a time until everyone had the opportunity to say goodbye.

Big Momma made it that day, but was sent home to live out the next few days in comfort. She was brought home to the old house that we all knew for as long as we could remember. In a hospital bed she lay for the next few days, a nurse standing by at all times to make her comfortable. By this time, she had drifted away into comfort, resting well, waking only when moved, and mumbling only a few words here and there. Again, we were there at her bedside, rubbing her head, and taking another opportunity to braid her hair. I will always remember one mumble from her mouth when we raised her up in the bed to try and make her more comfortable. Her arms swept around my neck and I took this opportunity to say "I love you Big Momma". Even though she was drifting out of this world, she managed to say to me "I love you too". This was the last words that I heard her say. But I was so thankful that I had the opportunity to let her know that I loved her. I received a call at work a day or two later to get home as quick as I could, "it wouldn't be long". I rushed out of work, driving home full of tears. I knew that I was going to say my last goodbye to a mother and a grandmother. She was our whole life. I got to Big Momma's house and everyone was arriving one by one. This was the day. I went in beside her bed and told her again that I loved her, holding her hand, rubbing her beautiful hair that I had so often braided, and kissing her face. The nurse was there, checking her every few minutes, giving us a timeframe for the time that she had left, as her vitals dropped lower and lower.

Big Momma was gone, less than an hour after I arrived, then reality set in. She really was gone. Everyone was devastated. My 68 year old uncle who had always lived with her, never married, fell on top of her and cried "Oh Momma, Don't Leave Me". Momma was crushed. She'd been there for Big Momma for so many years, and now she was gone.

A big black hearse pulled up less than an hour later to take Big Momma away. It wasn't just her body leaving this house, but I could feel in my soul, a part of all of us that left that day. When Big Momma left, the soul of that old house we knew as "Big Momma's House" had left.

Big Momma has been gone for 2 years now. The old house is falling apart. It hurts to drive by and see the house, dark and crumbling as it seems from the inside out. There's nothing more than memories left there now. But, memories that I will carry with me and cherish for as long as I am able to remember.

I will see her again in Heaven. Until that day, I will shed my tears as I do from time to time and remember those cherished last words that we said to one another "I love you", I said..."I love you too", she said and then one day she was gone.

Alice Elizabeth Hanks Ferguson

July 18, 1909- April 26-2006

We Miss You, Always In Our Hearts