Home Improvements

We have taken on small projects, here and there, the past 6 months to complete some home improvements around the house. It has actually been a whirlwind of emotion in trying to complete the upgrades, but in the end we have enjoyed the task of choosing things that make up our style in the home.

So far we have been able to complete new paint in a few rooms of the house, some hardwood flooring and new custom kitchen cabinets and hardware, along with new applicances for the kitchen.We have managed to complete some of these upgrades while meeting other financial obligations here and there and we are seeing the payoff as time passes. We have found that small improvements will eventually payoff in due time.

In the next couple of weeks we will start a room addition to the house and we could very much use the space. Our numerous visits to Lowe's always manages to create a desire to do more around the house. But, we are taking our time and eventually our home improvements may finally meet our desires and expectations. Until then, our Lowe's visits will continue regularly and our list of "wants" vs "needs" will shorten as time passes. This for us, is just another reason to continue to work as hard as we do for our family. We don't desire expensive things, but we do desire to make improvements, where necessary, for our entire family's well being.

Growing Up With Big Momma

Alice Hanks Ferugson, also known as "Miss Alice", "Big Momma", and to our children, "Nanny". Big Momma was my mother's mom. There are many "Big Momma's" that have been the strength of black families. "Big" served to identify as the strength and position in the family.

As a child, I remember us kids begging momma to take us to Big Momma's house. Her house was our second home. She lived in a small house handed down from generation to generation, but this house said HOME to all who knew it. This small house that children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, cousins, friends, neighbors all flocked to, if even just to sit on the front porch and go over old memories. There was never one who was unwelcomed to come by. We spent alot of summers there, 4th of July was a big time at Big Momma's house. Huge cookouts in the back yard with food, fun, and laughter. As kids we would run and play in the yard all day long. Another favorite was the big Pear Tree in the backyard.

We loved to go out back and pick up the pears that had fallen to the ground.

Every Sunday after church, Big Momma had a big dinner cooked and everyone piled in to eat, even people who weren't a part of the family circle, a tradition that my mother carried into our family. I love thinking back on those memories and experiences growing up. Big Momma was always respected and was the strength of our family. Just to look into her eyes and imagine the struggles and pains that she had gone through during her many years, growing up early in the 1900s. I thought of her as the strongest woman that I had ever known and looked up to her in so many ways. One day in 2006, she would be gone and would be a wonderful memory that we all could carry with us the rest of our lives. I am very thankful that at least two of my own children were given the opportunity to know her as well. Big Momma was a blessing to all who knew her.         

Strength In Family

In our family, there is a very strong bond that unites us all. The strength in black families is a strength learned through the need to survive. In the early years, the lack of concern, ill-treatment, and disgust shown for black people, required the black race to find their own way to survive, which was found through family strength.

Even today, our family takes care of each other. There is always one willing to help the other, whatever the need. The unselfish nature of living in our family shows the strength that we grew up experiencing and understanding as a must for our familly entity to survive. I am proud to be a part of a family such as this. We are never alone.

Some people may not understand what it means to be black in America, but it really is as much about living life, making it through the struggles, teaching strong values, and gaining strength through every struggle and trial along the way. We are a race of people, but in many ways our family is in search of the same things as any other family, love, marriage, success, education and spirituality, to name a few. 

Big Momma Was Gone

Big Momma was always around and the family always discussed how we didn't think we could make it when she was gone. It just was not an option.

I will take you back to two weeks before she passed away in April 2006. It was a normal day, just like any other or so we thought, until Joanne, my Aunt, called and said she was taking Big Momma to the doctor because she wasn't feeling well. Of course, word spread quickly through the family that Big Momma was at the doctor, everyone curious as to what was going on. Within a few hours we learned that she would be hospitalized for pneumonia. I felt my heart drop inside with worry, Big Momma was never sick. We often bragged about her 96 years and what great health she was always in so you can imagine this took us by surprise.

It was so bad. Big Momma ended up in the hospital over the next week with so many of us standing around her bed every single day. At times she would wake up and ask for Juanita, my momma. She is the baby of the 11 children that Big Momma had. Momma was always the comfort for Big Momma, whatever it was. When all of the other girls had moved away after growing up, Momma stayed close by and was there to look after Big Momma. She was her comfort. We could just see the relief that Big Momma had when we told her momma was there, or "she's on her way". Big Momma continued to drift in and out, struggling to catch her breath as she slept. We were all so sick, but at that point we had never given up the thought that she was going to make it out of there, "she was always here, she'll be alright". Maybe this was our way of comforting ourselves, rather than accepting the fact that she was 96 years old, tired and exhausted from this long life, and maybe needed to rest.

We continued to reassure her every time she would awake to see everyone there. I can remember one day about 5 days before she passed, she woke up and I bent over the bed to talk to her and hold her hand. She said to me "I'm just scared". No one can imagine the feeling of hearing her say those words. At this point they weren't giving her much hope of recovering, but I looked into her eyes with a strong face and said to her "we're here with you and we're not going anywhere". She responded and said "you're not"? I said "No" and she begin to rest again. Everyday I had to go to work, but every single day after work, I went to sit by her bed. I just wanted her to know that she would never be alone. By her bedside were her children, grandchildren, and great- granchildren, praying for her recovery.

I stopped by the hospital after work and Big Momma had undergone a laproscopic surgery of her stomach. It was evident that she had taken a turn for the worse. Now, she was struggling even more to breath. I was upset when I saw her sleeping, her chest pumping up and down way too fast. I went out to talk with the nurse, she told me that the doctor would be by to speak with us soon. I knew it had gotten worse. They did perform a procedure to remove fluid building up on her lungs, only to have to go in again for the same thing not long after that. The doctor broke the news that Big Momma was suffering from heart failure. Here come the questions from all of us, as if pleading to my momma, "isn't there anything else they can do"? Momma shook her head no, at this point the fear showed on all our faces, even our children. We knew that she would be leaving us soon.

Two days later, the hospital was flooded with so many people who were called to say goodbye to Big Momma, Children, Grandchildren,  Great-Grandchildren, Cousins and Friends. With tears flowing down and our heads hanging low, we went in to see her a few at a time until everyone had the opportunity to say goodbye.

Big Momma made it that day, but was sent home to live out the next few days in comfort. She was brought home to the old house that we all knew for as long as we could remember. In a hospital bed she lay for the next few days, a nurse standing by at all times to make her comfortable. By this time, she had drifted away into comfort, resting well, waking only when moved, and mumbling only a few words here and there. Again, we were there at her bedside, rubbing her head, and taking another opportunity to braid her hair. I will always remember one mumble from her mouth when we raised her up in the bed to try and make her more comfortable. Her arms swept around my neck and I took this opportunity to say "I love you Big Momma". Even though she was drifting out of this world, she managed to say to me "I love you too". This was the last words that I heard her say. But I was so thankful that I had the opportunity to let her know that I loved her. I received a call at work a day or two later to get home as quick as I could, "it wouldn't be long". I rushed out of work, driving home full of tears. I knew that I was going to say my last goodbye to a mother and a grandmother. She was our whole life. I got to Big Momma's house and everyone was arriving one by one. This was the day. I went in beside her bed and told her again that I loved her, holding her hand, rubbing her beautiful hair that I had so often braided, and kissing her face. The nurse was there, checking her every few minutes, giving us a timeframe for the time that she had left, as her vitals dropped lower and lower.

Big Momma was gone, less than an hour after I arrived, then reality set in. She really was gone. Everyone was devastated. My 68 year old uncle who had always lived with her, never married, fell on top of her and cried "Oh Momma, Don't Leave Me". Momma was crushed. She'd been there for Big Momma for so many years, and now she was gone.

A big black hearse pulled up less than an hour later to take Big Momma away. It wasn't just her body leaving this house, but I could feel in my soul, a part of all of us that left that day. When Big Momma left, the soul of that old house we knew as "Big Momma's House" had left.

Big Momma has been gone for 2 years now. The old house is falling apart. It hurts to drive by and see the house, dark and crumbling as it seems from the inside out. There's nothing more than memories left there now. But, memories that I will carry with me and cherish for as long as I am able to remember.

I will see her again in Heaven. Until that day, I will shed my tears as I do from time to time and remember those cherished last words that we said to one another "I love you", I said..."I love you too", she said and then one day she was gone.

Alice Elizabeth Hanks Ferguson

July 18, 1909- April 26-2006

We Miss You, Always In Our Hearts